People Library

Life is a journey

Finding safety and freedom in music, the Yorkshire landscape and the LGBTQ community.

“Most of the time young people feel there’s no safety to just express themselves.  As a society we should have freedom of speech, but that freedom is not protected,” says Danish born Ruth Nielsen, as she explains a sense of purpose she’s found through her involvement with Keighley Pride. “Young people need to know they’ll be taken seriously and properly listened to – it’s very hard for them to come forward and say what they really feel and think.”

Ruth grew up in rural Denmark in a village of only four hundred people and was the middle child of five. “I grew up in a very religious family, we had certain ways to behave and talk, everything had to centre around Christianity and it made us be more exclusive. I think my parents were living in fear,” she explains, describing how her childhood environment caused an internal wrestle that she battled with for many years.

“I grew up learning what was expected of me, but in my teens I felt I had a different world going on inside me, I wanted to belong but I couldn’t see myself like others.” she says with a heavy heart. Losing her Grandmother at age seven added to her inner conflict, leaving her with a deep fear of death.

“I was the most quiet person you could meet. I think I’ve got a level of neurodiverse and I struggle to express myself, so none of my peers or parents understood my internal struggles because I never talked.” This sadly culminated in a period of emotional abuse and bullying from her mother between the ages of nine and twelve and also at school. “At the dinner table I really wanted to join in but it just didn’t come out. So my mum shouted at me and told me to talk, but my mum’s anger made me feel unsafe. So I’d run to my room and isolate myself. I cried a lot on my own when I was younger. I really felt like I was shut up, that I wasn’t accepted, that I didn’t fit anywhere and was just rejected by the people around me.”

Ruth continues to explain how being quiet is not an attribute, it’s a behaviour with a reason. “I’d built up a mental prison that neither I or the people around me could break down. I tried to break through to show that I had opinions and feelings but unfortunately it ended up in depression because I blamed myself which led to anger and self harming.” Amazingly Ruth doesn’t look back and hold anyone accountable, she doesn’t feel like anyone set out to intentionally harm her.

Fortunately, in the midst of this time, Ruth discovered a place of comfort in which to escape. “My mum’s friend taught me piano and music was crucial as a place to let off steam, it also felt like something that I owned. Where I could actually be free, because I now realise that I communicate best through music”

After she finished school at nineteen, Ruth knew she needed to make a change. “In my head, it was really very simple. I needed a new place to live where I could be part of a different mentality, where I could find myself” She discovered this in the UK living as an au pair in London, which gave her the confidence to later move up to Yorkshire and follow her passion through a degree at the Leeds College of Music.

“It took a long time to convince my family that I could be self sufficient in the UK and I didn’t want my family to feel like I had abandoned them, but I valued my freedom more than anything.” The UK gave Ruth a new horizon from which she could see multiple opportunities and try new things, the future was full of possibilities but not without a fight “I had a lot of mental baggage which has taken years to process.”

After a failed attempt to build a career as a performer in London during the height of ‘the crunch’ (2009), Ruth began to suffer with depression again, the dream hadn’t materialised. She knew there was only one place to return to… Yorkshire “Home is where the heart is and this is where I felt most at home. It’s the people and the character of the landscape, it’s a lot more like me as a person, I’m all these colours, different shades and forms.”

She arrived in Bradford in 2010 and began to rebuild her life. “I remember a few years later in the midst of a long term relationship that my heart just knew I’d found a place where I belong. With everything that I’d gone through, it’s a feeling I hadn’t had for years”

However in 2015 and aged only thirty two the world crashed in around her and became a pivotal moment in her life. “I remember the doctor telling us the news and we just broke down in hysterical crying, we didn’t know what to do or what it meant, but we knew it’d change everything.” Ruth was diagnosed with stage 2, borderline stage 3, breast cancer which she later discovered was hereditary through her father, the same disease that killed her Grandmother.

Her partner supported her throughout her cancer journey, which was incredibly tough on both of them and speaking of this time in her life she says, “Because of my mental issues and personality, it was a wake up call. I had to question the foundation of my life in every aspect. My job, lifestyle, friends, family, diet, myself, relationships, and sexuality, it all came into question as I processed what it meant. It was a really hard ride.”

Ruth continues, “As I began asking what my desires were. I broke up with my partner because it didn’t feel right anymore, which was like letting go of my safety net.” Fortunately he understood and has since become a great friend to Ruth. “I then saw really clearly how attracted I was to other women and that I needed to explore this.” 

So she started meeting up with groups of women, she felt safe and loved meeting new people in new places, discovering a new side to her that she could hold on to. The LGBTQ circles helped her establish valuable friendships and belonging, which led to her becoming involved with Keighley Pride in its formative stages and has since become a key member of the team.

“I want to make sure that there’s a safe space where people can always come to for support. Where they can bring family and friends without feeling out of place. I see it as my wider family.” Her vision is for a place where generations can gather, allowing space for acceptance “I want to mend bridges in the community, there’s a lot of ignorance and barriers to be broken down.” And she’s well aware of how much work is involved.

“I came out in 2017, but I waited a year to tell my parents, so I could tell them in person, but my mum couldn’t even look me in the eye. Ten months later they sent me a letter to say ‘not on our doorstep!’ I’m trying to keep the relationship going with the hope that one day we can talk,”

Speaking about the road ahead Ruth says, “I accept now that life is a journey, and it’s okay if things change again.” Her understanding is that every part of her journey is part of who she is and her passion for music is a thread throughout. “I sometimes feel that it’s one of the best ways that I can connect with people.”

Alongside recording a solo album about her cancer journey, Ruth is also considering music therapy. “Music is where I find freedom. It gives me a certain degree of expression, it doesn’t judge, it doesn’t ask you to be anything specific. There’s more than one answer to life and it’s one of those things that’s held me together, even in the darkest of times.”

She explores future possibilities by ending “I’ve always been interested in psychology and understanding other people. If I can use my music to help others and myself then I’d love that. Maybe that’s where I’m best fitted.” Maybe her love for the beauty of Jazz which was formed out of suffering and pain will be mirrored in how her life helps others in years to come.

Story & photos by Tom Harmer

You can discover more about Ruth, and her music, on www.ruthmusic.co.uk

People Library

Out of sight, out of mind.

“There’s good and bad in us all, but Gypsy Travellers get painted with the one brush…”

A huge part of our identities as human beings is our individual culture and heritage, it shapes what we value and influences our approach to life. As time passes and society evolves these cultural identities are often challenged and threatened, each generation is given the responsibility to protect, teach and uphold them for the future.

Dublin-born Kathleen is full of warmth and strength. A Bradford resident and Irish Traveller, she’s incredibly proud of her heritage and aspires to uphold her culture and traditions, “It’s how I was brought up and how I brought my children up, and now I’m trying to get my grandchildren on the same track,” she says.

She traces her roots back to County Wexford in the Republic of Ireland, but Yorkshire has always been a massive part of her life. “I grew up on the roadside. We’d stay in Yorkshire in the winter, but then we’d move around all over the country in the summertime; the Midlands, Scotland, Wales, but we’d always come back to Leeds or Bradford in October, as long as it was Yorkshire.”

“There were no phones when I was growing up, so when my father decided it was time to shift, we’d just head to somewhere like Birmingham and find someone we knew,” She recalls the excitement of reuniting with friends from previous years and the joy of a community where “everybody mixed.”

Her upbringing was bursting with community, family, culture and food. “My mother always had a fire going, cooking outside in big black pots, hearty food such as bacon and cabbage, bacon ribs and stew,” she continues, “It’s all proper food and everybody would come over when they smelled our food,” she says, with a smile.

To this day, Kathleen carries on this value of generosity and hospitality, always preparing more than enough food to share with her community. “Anyone elderly we feed, I send dinner up and down everywhere. I don’t have a plate left because most of them don’t come back. So now I’ve bought them all plastic plates to send them up.” It’s clear that this camaraderie is a key influence in forming such close-knit Traveller communities.

There’s a deep sense of communal living in both Kathleen’s home and the site she lives on, she explains, “We’re strong on family values, everyone keeps an eye out for everyone’s child and we take care of the older people, we’d never send them to care homes.”

As the youngest of twelve children, with ten brothers and one sister, she speaks fondly of her own childhood. “Day to day it was just nice, you know, we weren’t playing computer games like today. I was like a tomboy and we played out all the time. It was a better way of life and it was a healthier way of life.”

As travelling communities begin to settle more, she feels the children are missing out on experiencing a variety of life, and explains, “It’s not good for children to be cooped up. When you live roadside you mix with different cultures, it helps to teach morals.”

By the age of eighteen, her parents had stopped travelling and chose to settle in London. “They haven’t been on the roadside since. When you’re settled it’s a different way of life but you never forget the traveller’s life. As long as you have food and water, you don’t need nothing else.”

Another cornerstone of the Gypsy Traveller community is the skill of self-reliance and problem solving. “Travellers are self-taught, you know what I mean, they don’t go to colleges. You just do whatever you put your mind to.  I want every traveller to have the chance to provide for themselves.”

She explains how boys begin working like men aged thirteen, and by seventeen they’re ready to go and do their own thing, “so long as they get a licence and a real motor they get up and go.”

For girls though, there were different expectations. “When I was growing up, girls didn’t leave home, they stayed at home to get married.” She reminisces, “When I got up in the morning, my routine was to make a cup of tea for my parents, then wash through the cans (milk churns) and windows outside. It was different to the boys, because I had to do the housework.”

Kathleen moved back to Yorkshire when she was nineteen years old to get married. Sadly, her husband died aged only twenty-eight, leaving her to raise their children on her own. “I’ve never considered getting re-married. I don’t think anyone would have looked down on me or anything because I was young and had young children, but they’ve got more respect for me now.”

Kathleen then explains the importance in the community of keeping loved ones’ memories alive and shares how they value life and death in equal parts. “We mention everyone we’ve lost everyday, so they’re not forgotten about. My brother died forty-five years ago and we talk about him every day.”

Once a year, Kathleen visits a cemetery in Ireland, underscoring these values. “It’s a respect thing. All our ancestors are buried there. People come from all over Ireland and England on one specific day, and we all stand by their graves – it’s like a blessing.” She continues, “Our people belong to us, when they die they’re more important than when they were alive.”

Bradford is renowned as a space of sanctuary and safety, welcoming communities across the world to make it their home. For centuries, the vibrant tapestry of Bradford has been woven together with the diverse threads of the Irish Traveller community, whether it has been a pit stop for those who embody a nomadic lifestyle, or somewhere to call home. When asked about her own experience, she says, “It’s like home. I’ve been here since I was 5, I’m 57 now, so 52 years I’ve lived between Leeds and Bradford.”

Kathleen lives on the Mary Street site in Bradford, designated for the Gyspy Traveller community. “We used to stop here years ago when I was about eight. It was a potato yard and it was all built up, all along here there were shops and public houses, whereas now it’s all gone and it’s industrial.”

“Since then they’ve opened up a sand quarry across the way, and a tip behind us.” Like many in Kathleen’s community, a prevailing sentiment of being overlooked persists. “No one can see us because we’re blocked in these walls and we’ve got enough cameras, we’re like being on ‘Big Brother’,” which seems to perpetuate her feeling of being out of sight and out of mind.

Explaining the history of where she lives, she says, “This site to start with was looked into for a housing estate and they said it wasn’t fit for humans to live, but yet they could make a traveller site on it – so what is the difference? The fact that this site is managed by environmental health tells me everything.”

She continues, “We’re full of sand twenty four seven, everybody on this site has got issues with their chest breathing. You can’t breathe in the night, it’s like you’re choking because of the sand” and then the additional impact of living behind a garbage facility, “we’ve got flies everywhere, it’s not nice when you’re eating.”  

She’s concerned, and so are other families and parents, for the future wellbeing of their children.There have been positive talks about moving the site and it probably will happen at some stage but not for a few years yet.

The multicultural nature of Bradford is one of the main reasons Kathleen has been able to call Bradford home for so long, because she feels more welcome here amongst other minority groups than in other parts of the country.

For example, the Asian community, “Indians and Pakistanis, they’re tret like us. They understand our way of life and we understand theirs. This town is full of lots of cultures and they’re more comfortable with us than, say, the white community. Some don’t understand us and just think ‘ah, it’s the stinking gypsies’.”

On one hand, society is becoming more accepting and inclusive of previously excluded minority groups, yet on the other it is seemingly trying to erase a way of life for the Traveller community. “We don’t want to change anything. We just want to get on with the life that we’ve always led,” Kathleen says.

A charity worker who works alongside Kathleen and the Gypsy Traveller community says, “In my 20-year career of working with some of the most marginalised communities, I can honestly say that the Gypsy Traveller community face the worst discrimination and racism. I would like to say that they have also been the most welcoming and inspiring to me in my work in challenging people’s inaccurate views and perceptions.”

Kathleen then shares numerous instances of discrimination and stereotyping she has encountered as an Irish Traveller and how she’s always had a feeling of being an unwanted outsider in society, “There’s good and bad in us all, but we all get painted with the one brush,” she says.

Unjust stereotypes brand Travellers as thieves that “live in a jungle and run around with no shoes on”. There is a real sense of persecution and fear within the community. Kathleen describes feelings of being unsafe and vulnerable as soon as she leaves the site, creating a feeling of never truly belonging.

She believes media representation is partly to blame for reinforcing stereotypes and failing to acknowledge the community’s positive actions. Her community’s charitable support for vulnerable people in society go unnoticed, such as large country-wide donations to food banks and children’s hospitals.

It’s disheartening that our positive efforts rarely receive recognition; the spotlight always seems to be on the negative aspects of our community,” says Kathleen. One shining light however is the boxer Tyson Fury. “He’s pushing all the limits and he knows where he comes from. Every traveller, it doesn’t matter what they’ve got, they don’t lose their morals, they want to keep their culture,” she says. “He’s just like us, he’s all about his family.”

Preserving Traveller tradition is important for Kathleen, particularly due to external influences threatening the continuity of her rich, cultural heritage, but at the same time Kathleen recognizes the need to modernise, specifically in education and work.

Kathleen says, “I never went to school when I was a child because I’m telling you we were roadside. Here today, gone tomorrow.” However, when she became a parent, ensuring her own children received an education became a priority. “I think everyone should have the right to read,” she says.

Another cultural shift Kathleen has been part of, is supporting her daughter into further education and now championing her choice to go to work. “It’s only in the last ten years this has happened,” Kathleen explains. “Before that women didn’t work, they didn’t leave home. They done what had to be done at home, like housework. They looked after the younger ones or whatever.” There are still many women in the community that don’t work, but more and more women are going out to find a vocation, and Kathleen feels it’s a good trend. 

As Kathleen passionately shares her life as a Traveller, although some aspects of culture are changing, it’s clear that nothing will ever change her identity. The strength of the community is in how they value and look after each other and pass on their traditions from generation to generation.

However, she feels the world around her is becoming less tolerant of her way of life, trying to brush this traditional way of living out of sight, and out of mind. “It’s a culture and I don’t think they’ll ever stop it, but they’re doing their best to try,” she continues “You can’t think you’re better than anyone else, we’re all the same. It’s not right to look down on someone else.”

Conversation must be had to create positive social change and support greater understanding of the Gypsy and Traveller communities and unite in the face of inequality. Bradford and our wider society have an opportunity to challenge perceptions and be open to understanding the Traveller way of life. Surely we can find a way to live alongside each other, celebrating our differences, looking at those with a different way of life and thinking about how society can champion their cherished traditions. 

Story co-written by People Library Mentee Nathan McGill and Storyteller/Mentor Tom Harmer

Photos by Nathan McGill

People Library

Bird Man

This film charts the life of one of Bradford’s iconic characters – Barry Roots – often found at the ‘Top o’ town’ amongst friends and, of course, the Pigeons… and affectionately known as “Bird Man”.